Many people come to therapy because they experience distress or emotional overwhelm in their daily lives. Often, these feelings are signals that they are outside what is called their window of tolerance, a state of emotional and physiological balance where we feel capable of handling life’s ups and downs. Understanding your window of tolerance, and how therapy can help you stay within it, can be an empowering step toward greater emotional well-being (Siegel, 2012).

What is the Window of Tolerance?

Originally introduced by Dr. Dan Siegel, the window of tolerance refers to a zone of optimal emotional and physiological regulation. Within this window, we can experience stress and emotions without becoming overwhelmed. When we are inside our window, we are more resilient, responsive, and present in our daily lives (Siegel, 2012).

Stress, trauma, or chronic adversity can push us outside this window, leading us into states of either hyperarousal (anxiety, reactivity, panic) or hypoarousal (numbness, shutdown, disconnection). One of the goals of therapy is not just to bring us back inside this window but also to gradually expand it, helping us become more capable of handling stress with flexibility and self-compassion (van der Kolk, 2014).

Cognitive (Top-Down) vs. Somatic (Bottom-Up) Processing

In therapy, two broad types of approaches can help support regulation: top-down and bottom-up.

• Top-down approaches work through the mind, using thoughts, insight, and reflection to shift patterns. This might include understanding cognitive distortions, reframing beliefs, or talking through emotional experiences. These strategies help develop clarity and self-awareness (Siegel, 2012).

• Bottom-up approaches work through the body and nervous system. These may involve noticing physical sensations, practicing breathwork, grounding, or exploring somatic cues. This route is especially helpful when stress responses are automatic or non-verbal (van der Kolk, 2014).

Both pathways are important. While insight can be empowering, it may not be enough on its own if the nervous system remains stuck in patterns of chronic dysregulation. Likewise, body-based work often needs to be integrated with narrative and meaning-making to support lasting change.

Polyvagal Theory: Listening to the Nervous System

Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, helps us understand how the nervous system unconsciously scans for cues of safety or threat. These cues influence whether we feel connected, anxious, or shut down, often outside of conscious control.

From a polyvagal perspective, emotional responses like shutdown or panic are not signs of personal failure but protective strategies rooted in nervous system functioning. Therapy can support clients in becoming more aware of these patterns and developing the internal safety needed to shift toward greater regulation (Porges, 2017).

How I Integrate These Approaches in Therapy

In my work, I tend to begin by paying attention to what is happening in the body, even when we are focused on thoughts or narratives. I often invite clients to slow down, notice sensations, or pause when something difficult arises. This helps us connect not only with what is being said, but how it is being experienced in the nervous system.

While I value insight, I also recognize that understanding alone rarely brings relief. For this reason, I support clients in tuning into their body’s signals and gently building capacity for emotional presence. This might include noticing the impulse to shut down, or becoming curious about a racing heart or tight jaw. 

Often, we draw on Internal Family Systems (IFS) to explore protective parts of you that react when the body feels threatened. Other times, we may work more directly with physical symptoms of anxiety or collapse. I try to meet clients where they are, alternating between body awareness, emotional processing, and thoughtful reflection as needed (Siegel, 2012).

My intention is to create a therapeutic relationship where your nervous system can gradually learn that it is safe enough to stay present. Over time, this helps expand your window of tolerance and increases your sense of emotional flexibility and choice.

Expanding Your Window

Therapy not only helps you stay within your window but gradually expands it, allowing you to handle stress and uncertainty more effectively. Over time, you’ll find that you can experience greater emotional flexibility and resilience, even in challenging situations.

If you recognize yourself in these experiences and feel curious about exploring these approaches, I invite you to connect. Understanding and expanding your window of tolerance can transform not only how you respond to stress but also how fully and authentically you’re able to engage with your life.